The Simple Joy of Purging

For some time now, I have been having this feeling of carrying around a great deal of unwanted, unneeded and unnecessary weight. So starting yesterday, I decided to start releasing some of the weight. I have been on a purge binge ever since I made up my mind that I wanted to free my mind, my spirit, my soul and my heart. And I started with Facebook. Facebook? You say. Yes Facebook. Let me tell you what I mean. We all are a people who take our phone with us EVERYWHERE we go. To work, to church, to the bathroom, to bed, our kids soccer game.... everywhere. And we are constantly looking at it checking to see who posted what on Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram, etc. The list just goes on and on. For some of us, checking our phone while driving has almost, if not has, caused us to get into fender benders.......

Well, I only use my Facebook and every so often Instagram. But the things that I run across are sometimes so vile, violent and downright cruel. People video taping things they deem funny but are often times humiliating to others and mean. Meme's constantly mocking others of their deformities or mental instabilities. It's just down right horrible. But the people that post these things that we see are the friends that we choose to hit that friend button to accept a sent friend invitation or that we decided to send a friend request too, I just am growing tired of it. I do love the Spiritual postings that tend to help me in my moments of downness, but you have to filter through the filth and cruelty to get to them. So, I decided to do some purging. Purging those "friends" that constantly post these post that go against everything that I believe in and stand for. And you know what, it actually felt good!!! In my Facebook purge, I went from 1,291 friends to 822! And I still have some ways to go!!!

"Eliminate what doesn't help you evolve". When I saw this post as I was browsing the internet, a lightbulb turned on for me. It just made so much sense to me!!! I am a Pastor, who is married, 34 years old and have 3 children. That alone is a great deal. I don't need added craziness and foolishness on my plate. So, I am releasing the weight, dead weight. By purging all the things in my life that is not adding to my life. I wanted to delete my whole facebook page, but realized that the social media is a huge way of reaching the masses in our area. it is a huge marketing tool so I somewhat have to keep it, but I can definitely cut back on what and who I interact with. Did I mention that it felt good? But this is only the beginning. I plan to purge my Facebook some more, my Instagram, my phone, my cable, my closet, my home, my office, everything. If purging my Facebook alone felt that good, I can only imagine how purging the rest of my life would feel. I have never been so excited to let people and things go. But to be honest, a great deal of that stuff we can absolutely live without. It takes so much of our attention away that we can not even focus on the things that truly matter in our life like our family, our jobs even GOD in a lot of instances. So this stuff has definitely got to go for me. So my question to you is will you join me in purging? Will you join me in simplifying life and bringing our attention and focus back to those things that truly matter? I hope you will. Just start with Facebook. If you can delete it all together, go for it. But make a list of things that you can do without, or decrease drastically in numbers. Let's bring our focus and attention back where it needs to be. Okay? Okay. I guarantee you that you will not be disappointed. :) 

Unapologetic is me, L. 

My Absolute Biggest Fear!

     Growing up we create and dream up all of these plans of how our life is to be when we get older. What will be our career, what college we will attend, what age we are going to marry, how our wedding will look, our spouses occupation, what city/state we will live in, how many kids we will have, how much money we are going to make.... Some of us even dream up what kind of animals we will have and what there names will be. We map out our life to the tiniest detail. Some people, very few I imagine, stick to that plan if they are truly locked in and dedicated to the plan. But for the bulk of us, as we grow older, the twist and turns of life tend to drive us in a different direction. I was one of the people that turned out to be on the redirected plan once life began to truly happen to me.
     One thing that just wasn't in my life plan was children. Children just weren't in the plans for me that I can remember. I was supposed to go to the military, find me a husband that could and loved to cook (because I hate it lol) (only because I'm so impatient), travel the world and retire from the military. Then we would continue to travel until we eye called home to be with the Lord. But at the age of 20 life happened. I had my first son. Then at 26 my daughter, then at 28 my 2nd son. So as you can see, my life switched directions from the way that I had planned it as a young girl. But guess what, my kids are an absolute blessing to me. They are smart, loving and funny as all get out. They keep me smiling and have taught me a great deal about forgiveness and how to love without boundaries. They are little angels in human suits to me. Yes they are.
     So, I know your wondering, where does this biggest fear come in. Well, here it is. My biggest fear is the fear the day that my kids will grow up, won't need me anymore and they will move away to start their own lives apart from me. This actually hurts my heart and cuts me to the core everyone I think about it. So what am idoing about that now? I'm glad you asked. My prayer is that my relationship with my children now will always warrant them wantingþneeding mommy close. Not as a crutch, but as a support. Not the "Mommy I'm in trouble with the law help me out" or "I need a baby sitter to go to the club" type support. But the "I need to cry this out in a safe place where I'm not treated as less than because I'm crying buy now that I've cried and gotten some wisdom I can attack the problem head on" or the "I need some strong solid above on this and I need someone I can depend on because there motives are pure and they only want to see me be a better me".......... You feel me? Good.
     I know growing up is inevitable, but growing apart from me doesn't have to be. Everyday that I look at them I see more and more signs of them growing up and being more independent. They don't need me like they did when they were babies in my arms. My oldest is now 13. I'm trying to teach him the things that he will need to know to do in order to run his own house, but everything in me just wants to baby him for the rest of his life. But I know that this is not healthy. I dare not for him to be a liability as an adult, but he's still my baby. All three of them are. The day they move out of my house will probably be the hardest thing in life for me. Harder then recovery from every surgery that I've had. Harder then pushing them all out naturally during their births. I know one day I'm going to have to let go (my fear, uggggghhhhhh). But for now I'll just continue to be there mommy and hold on for as long as I can. So that when the day come (that they say mommy you can let go now) I can say that they are ready and they know mommy is here and always was here for them. It's going to hurt I know, but it has to be done. :( I promise I won't be a smother mother to my adult children. Lol. But I'll always have their back........... unless they break the law. Then they're on their own. Lol but I'm serious.
Unapologetic is me, L.

A Prayer To Walk In Love

   Dear Heavenly and gracious Father,
because You loved me first and I have discovers this love for myself, I am ready and able to love the people that you have placed around me. I pray that my love would increase more and more in knowledge, discernment and understanding. Help me to walk out Ephesians 5:2 in my daily life. To "Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God." Help me to seek You steadily so I am never out of love to give, but constantly filled with an overflow that spills out onto others. Teach me about the beauty of Your sacrifice so I can be encouraged to give of myself and help me to take an interest in others so I can be a more effective servant to You. I pray that I would always remember the Source of my love and give You all the glory. Thank you Lord for loving me the way that you do. Even when I feel that I don't deserve it. I am happy to love others because of Your undieing and never changing Agape love and compassion for me. You deserve my praise and my worship. In Jesus' name, Amen.
Unapologetic is me, L.

I can't?!?! YES YOU CAN!!!

      "I can't" is a tiny phrase that packs more weight in it than five elephants trying to fit on a tiny bathroom scale. It's amazing how so many people use this phrase to describe their abilities and possibilities. Philippians 4:13 reminds us that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". So when people say I can't it leads me to believe that in that area of their life, that they don't believe or have faith that Christ can or will work through them. While I was praying about this, the Holy Spirit told me that:
"I can't is a limitation set by the enemy to stop you from:
1. Achieving your best you
2. Going to the next level and
3. Walking in abundance and overflow."
      GOD never said any where in His Word that He has limited us and there were only certain things that we could do. He never said that there was a ceiling or a cap on us. So in the instances when an I can't tries to creep on in, we have to truly stand on "greater is He that is in me then he that is in this world" (1 John 4:4). I can't is a spirit that the enemy has conjured in an attempt to hinder us. The enemy's plan is to make this I can't spirit so strong that none of GOD'S children reach the max potential and greatness that He has placed within each and every one of us. His agenda is to continue to fill the graveyards with treasures.
      Only we can change that. How do we do it? By changing the way we think, speak and act. When an I can't thought comes into our mind, we must "take every thought into captivity" (2 Corinthians 10:5). If an I can't so happens to come out of our mouth, we must remember that "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit" (Proverbs 18:21). And also that "whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in Heaven and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in Heaven" (Matthew 18:18, 16:19). So remember that you get the fruit of what you speak but you have the power to cast it down and bind it up if you choose. Key phrase "if you choose".........
      The Holy Spirit also showed me this. That I can't usually come from us comparing ourselves to somebody else or just plain laziness.......... Oh, did I strike a nerve? Well good. Stop comparing yourself to other people. We were not created to be or do just like someone else. GOD created each and every one of us different to accommodate all the differing personalities in this world. So the way that you do it is just fine for the people you are supposed to reach. Do it your way and your way alone. Oh and the laziness...... Yeah. Laziness won't get you anywhere anytime soon. And if you don't come out of it, I can't is just for you. Better yet, the enemy doesn't have to even try with a lazy person. You do the work for him. That's just all I can say about that.
     We have to get out of this I can't mindset. We must not allow this foul and demonic to consume us. We must reduce the punch that it packs by slowly but surely removing it from our vocabulary. From this day forward, constantly say in your Spirit, yes I can. Replace can't with can in your heart, in your mind and in your vocabulary and watch how your life, your confidence, your favor, your influence, watch how it all turns around, God is not the author of confusion and He's definitely not the author of I can't. Yes you can, yes you will and today should be the day that you must.
Unapologetic is me, L.

A Prayer for Joy & Strength

    Father GOD, I lift mine eyes and heart to thee. Help me to live in Your joy and in Your peace. Give me the strength and understanding to resist anxiety, anger, envy, depression, bitterness, hopelessness, loneliness, fear and guilt. Rescue me when “my spirit is overwhelmed within me; my heart within me is distressed” (Psalm 143:4). I refuse to let my life be brought down by evil and negative emotions such as these.

    When I am tempted to give in to them, show me Your Truth. You have said in Your Word that "by our patience we can possess our souls" (Luke 21:19). Give me patience so I can do just that. Help me to keep my ‘heart with all diligence,” for I know that “out of it spring the issues of life" (Proverbs 4:23).

    Help me to share this joy of knowing intimately who Jesus is with all those who You place in my path. I pray that Your love would fill my heart, that Your peace would flood my inner being and that I may overflow with Your joy and hope in believing. Increase my love for others and for You. Instil in my heart the hope of my salvation, and surround me with Your love and joy. Please use me as a channel to minister to others in need.

    Thank You that "the joy of the Lord is our strength and shield" (Nehemiah 8:10) and that You have promised that Your "grace is sufficient" (2 Corinthians 9:12) for all eventualities. Keep my heart fixed on You and instil in my heart joyful disposition so that I may bring comfort and cheer to those around me and be salt and light to those that are facing troubles or difficulties.

    I thank You that I am Your child and You are my Father and sovereign Lord. May my heart rejoice in good times and in bad and may Your abiding  joy and perfect peace find residence in my heart - as I rest in Your love and trust in Your unfailing goodness.

     It is in Jesus name I pray, Amen and Amen.

Unapologetic is me, L. 

#Positivityrocks

     I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS HASHTAG!! Created by moi of course! Positivity is something that we are falling short with in our society. Today everywhere we turn, negativity is being spread and actually condoned as a symbol of power. It's as if to say the more negative you are, the cooler and stronger you are. This is absolutely wrong. It takes nothing to be negative. Being negative is easy, but nobody wants to here that stronger people are positive people. But if you actually thought about it, it reigns true. It takes self control, patience, willingness and whole bunch of other added virtues in order to be positive and remain positive with everything that is going on around us. My choice is to be more positive. I feel better being positive. Being negative weighs down on a person. On ones mind, heart and soul. It takes a lot out of a person to be negative. I read that it takes 17 muscles to smile and 42 to frown. Those numbers alone show how much more difficult it is to be negative over being positive. So why do it? Release the anger, release the hurt, release the control of situations and people that you cannot control. Trying to do these things will only cause you a great deal of stress and strife and anger which will lead to added and unnecessary negativity in your life. So try today being more positive. Start today.
Unapologetic is me, L.  

JUST SMILE

   I read that it takes only 17 muscles to smile. On the flip side, it takes 43 muscles to frown. You utilize more muscles and exert more energy by frowning than you do smiling. That fact alone makes me want to smile as much as I can. So JUST SMILE! Smile as much as you can as often as you can. Smiling makes us look prettiest and confident in ourselves. Not only that, it can help boost others. They say that smiles are contagious. So why not help someone else catch smile fever. We could help make the world a better place one smile at a time. So JUST SMILE.

Forever Grateful

grateful: feeling or appreciation of kindness; thankful    

    In my life time, I have had my fair share of unpleasurable situations. Some I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. But going through, coming out and knowing what could have been has led me to a place of pure gratefulness. If I were to sit here and tell you everything that I have been through in my short 34 years of life, we would be here all night. .....literally. Today I can truly say that I am grateful for a few things. I'm grateful for life, GOD's saving grace and a loving and supportive husband just to name a couple. 

    Both Acts 10:34 and Romans 2:11 tell us that GOD is no respecter of person. So what made Him prolong my life, but take my friend Tasha in the 9th grade? Or my friend Olympia 5 yea.rs ago while having a routine day surgery that had been done on millions of people? Or my friend Natasha 3 years ago who killed herself and her unborn baby girl a couple of days before Thanksgiving? 

    I would be lying if I told you that being grateful just came to me. No not at all. I had to learn how to be grateful. At one point I felt that GOD had to be nice and do what He did for others for me. I played on His grace just like a lot of other people in this life. It was not until my good good friends and family members went through things that they didn't come out of along with my own trials that almost took my life. My hubby and I say that some people just get it, and some are extremist and have to learn the hard way. For a minute I was an extremist and boy did GOD let me have it. But by His grace, and with my hubby by my side every step of the way, I finally got it. And now that I got it, I'm never letting it go. I thank GOD for saving and keeping me. I love Him all the more for sparing my life time and time again. Times that I know of and some I don't. But I'm grateful for them all. He deserves glory, honor and praise for what He's done for me. And I make sure to give Him just that and more. I appreciate Him. I appreciate being able to see my kids get older. I appreciate the chance to grow older and wiser with my hubby. To continue to help grow our ministry. I'm thankful for it all. GOD will forever get the glory and I will continue to be grateful to Him and Him alone. No one else deserves the glory but Him.  No one. 

Unapologetic is me, L.

30 Rules for Godly Women

SOOOOO, I was on Facebook and I had a guy friend who re-posted an article called 30 Rules For Godly Women. The person who wrote it, her name was Murphty Emeka Okpala. I don't know the author at all, but as I read these rules, I was like, hmmmmmm this is good and I would love to share it with you. This is a must read and is very good information for any woman who is trying to be that Godly woman. I'm not saying it is the be all end all rules, but it is very helpful, to the point and useful information  in my eyes with soem good biblical backing. I went to college and was always a sucker for cliff notes. Who wouldn't want something dropped right into their lap that could help shape your life for the better...... and somebody else did all the work for you? SO get to reading and tell what you think. Do you agree or disagree. Happy reading and know that, 
Unapologetic is me, L. 

30 RULES FOR GODLY WOMEN

1). Never raise your voice for any reason to your husband. Its a sign of disrespect.(Prov 15v1)
2). Don't expose your husband's weaknesses to your family and friends. It will bounce back at you.You are each other's keeper.(Eph 5v12)
3). Never use attitudes and moods to communicate to your husband, you never know how your husband will interpret them. Defensive women don't have a happy home.(Prov 15v13)
4). Never compare your husband to other men, you've no idea what their life is all about. If you attack his Ego, his Love for you will diminish.
5). Never ill treat your husband's friends because you don't like them, the person who's supposed to get rid of them is your husband.(Prov 11v22)
6). Never forget that your husband married you, not your maid or anyone else. Do your duties.(Gen 2v24)
7). Never assign anyone to give attention to your husband, people may do everything else but your husband is your own responsibility.(Eph 5v33)
8). Never blame your husband if he comes back home empty handed. Rather encourage him.(Deut 3v28)
9). Never be a wasteful wife, your husband's sweat is too precious to be wasted.
10). Never pretend to be sick for the purpose of denying your husband sex. You must give it to him how he wants it. Sex is very important to Men, if you keep denying him, it is a matterif time before another woman takes over that duty. No man can withstand sex starvation for too long(even the anointed ones) (SS 7v12)
11). Never compare your husband to your one time sex mate in bedroom, or an Ex-lover. Your home may Never recover from it if you do.(SS 5v9)
12). Never answer for your husband in public opinion polls, let him handle what is directed to him although he may answer for you in public opinion polls.(Prov 31v23)
13). Never shout or challenge your husband in front of children. Wise Women don't do that.(Eph 4v31)
14). Don't forget to check the smartness of your husband before he checks out.(Prov 12v4)
15). Never allow your friends to be too close to your husband.
16). Never be in a hurry in the bathroom and on the dressing table. Out there your husband is always surrounded by women who took their time on their looks.( 1 Sam25v3)
17). Your parents or family or friends do not have the final say in your marriage. Don't waste your time looking up to them for a final word. You must Leave if you want to Cleave.(Luke 21v16)
18). Never base your love on monetary things.Will you still submit to him even if you earn more money than him?
19). Don't forget that husbands want attention and good listeners, never be too busy for him.Good communication is the bed rock of every happy home. (Gal 6v9)
20). If your idea worked better than his, never compare yourself to him. It's always teamwork.(Gal 6v10)
21). Don't be too judgemental to your husband. No man wants a Nagging wife.(Eph 4v29)
22). A lazy wife is a careless wife. She doesn't even know that her body needs a bath.(Prov 24v27)(Prov 20v13)
23). Does your husband like a kind of cooked food?, try to change your cooking. No man jokes with food. (Prov 31v14)
24). Never be too demanding to your husband,enjoy every moment, resource as it comes.(Luke 11v3)
25). Make a glass of water the very first welcome to your husband and everyone entering your home. Sweetness of attitude is true beauty. (Prov 31v11)
26). Don't associate with women who have a wrong mental attitude about marriage.(Prov 22v14)
27). Your marriage is as valuable to you as the value that you give it. Recklessness is unacceptable.(Heb 13v4)
28). Fruit of the womb is a blessing from the Lord, love your children and teach them well.(Prov 22v6)
29). You are never too old to influence your home. Never reduce your care for your family for any reason. (Prov 31v28)
30). A prayerful wife is a better equipped wife,pray always for your husband and family(1 Thess 5v17)2). 

My New Dwelling Place

     Everything that I have been through in life leads me to exactly where I am in this moment, in love with and in awe of the One who created me. My story, my testimony, all points to a place that says "You are loved, you are worthy and that's just it". I could easily be mad about being molested, raped, beaten, cursed at, lied on, spoken down to, operated on, given bad reports and so many other things. But the bigger picture is that I made it through and I am still standing. It baffles me when people continue to look back  and harbor on what they been through instead of looking around and seeing where they currently stand. Which for most is on the other side physically, but not mentally. That what was meant to break you did not. 

     As I lay in a hospital bed just last week waiting to be operated on, my husband gone on vacation without me but one of my closest companions by my side, it was in his absence that I truly realized how blessed I am. It is crazy how in a supposed dark place one can discover the totality or come to a realization of ones blessings. My realization is that GOD loves me no matter what or who is there or not there, He has my back and that I am covered under His grace. It was in a hospital bed that I truly understood how He will never leave me nor forsake me (Hebrews 13:5). I felt His presence every step of the way holding me up and keeping me cool, calm and collected while my belly being critically operated on for the 3rd time in less than two years. I was more calm then than I have ever been before. It was then that I realized that everything that I had been holding to inside was not worth holding on to anymore. All the hurt, pain, loneliness, feelings of betrayal, rejection, shame, guilt, so on and so forth. She did this, he did that, nobody ever did this for me.......... It was all blocking me from seeing Him. It was truly time to, as they say, let go and let GOD. 

    In this season I am surrounded by love and want to give love, but my wounds and past afflictions only caused me to spit venom and inflict pain while given a falsity of love and care to others in the name of being a stern steward for the LORD. (Just my truth). But I don't desire to do that anymore. I want my legacy to be that I gave selflessly, loved my family unconditionally, ran my businesses flawlessly and that I loved and I loved and when I couldn't, I still tried to love some more and it was genuine. People can spot falseness you know. No matter how much makeup you put on it, the ugly still can be seen. I want to be that Mother/Big Mama that people remember long after she is gone. My husband's good thang too. But the baggage had to be dropped. I have dropped them and incinerated them. And now I feel so much hope and peace. I am not so tense anymore. Some days I was so tense and tight that it was hard to walk. Headaches and joint pain were my closest companions (which are also symptoms of Chron's but my mentality magnified it). They were with me what seems like 24/7 constantly eating, barking and biting. I was a prisoner. But thank GOD that this is no more. I claim and stand in victory. I am an over-comer. I win.

    Yeah, I know that it is going to be a process and that doubt will try to creep in, but to continue to feel the way I feel now is worth going through the process and succeeding. And to think none of this would be if my husband had not left me.................. and went on vacation. (Just want to clarify that. Lol.) I'm grateful and thankful for this new place. My permanent dwelling place.  I think I am going to unpack my bags and stay here. Pain, strife, worry and stress free until the day that I am truly called home. Thank you Lord for every blessing and every lesson. It is to you I give the glory. 

Unapologetic is me, L.

Pragma: Stand in Love

    As long as we live there will always be people in this world who can not, and often times refuse to see past themselves. People who can't see past their wants and stubbornness to lend a helping hand, kind word or even a smile to brighten someone else's day. People who, no matter what is going on in your life, they find any and every reason to turn situations around in their favor and somehow always become a victim. But they will swear up and down that they are not a "victim" and they don't act that way. What do we do with these people? Our flesh would want to turn our backs on them, let them suffer, wallow and fend for themselves. But for some odd reason our hearts just won't let us do such a thing. So what do we do? We can pray which is the normal "Christian" answer. But sometimes prayer isn't enough. Now don't misinterpret me, prayer is always a good thing, absolutely awesome. In prayer is where we can find peace and seek wisdom and understanding. But sometimes we need a little bit more than just prayer because when you come up, that person/people is still there. 
    That's where my term "Stand in Love" comes in to play. In my research, I learned that the greek word for my term is the word "pragma". Pragma is all about patience and compromise and is the most mature type of love. It is easy to love someone when things are going great, but "pragma" love is the ability to love when things are not so great. We have to have the willpower to Stand in Love, no matter what is going on. Standing up for yourself as a Christian does not mean being nasty, mean, rude nor hateful towards others. That's actually the opposite of what I am talking about. But being a Christian is never a thumbs up to allow other people to run over you and treat you less than. Standing in Love, to me, is putting your foot down firmly but in a way that has the other person to know that you still love them, will be patient with them, are willing to compromise and are there for them. But that you're absolutely not there to be ran over, misused or abused.  
    When I encounter people who try to abuse the goodness of my heart, I have to remind myself to pragma: Stand in Love. And then I usually say that they don't know any better. Lol. I used to be one of those people who just accepted anything that others decided to give me because I didn't want trouble. But I learned along this journey called life that people will only treat you the way that you allow them to treat you. Just allowing people to treat you any ole way and accepting it will do more harm to you than it will to them. I learned this through my life experiences. We have to be careful to not become inwardly bitter and resentful towards people all in the name of just taking it and not wanting trouble. We need people in this life and just taking it will have us building up walls and forcing GOD's children to climb, leap over or dig under them to get to us. This can not be and is not how GOD desires us to be with one another. Besides, it is through people that GOD works some of His greatest miracles. So we have to train ourselves to pragma: Stand in Love. This can be a very trying thing for some people, but like anything else in life wealth, a good body, a good marriage, good grades, you have to work for it. And we usually work for those things that we want no matter what we have to go through to get it, so why not this? So Pragma: Stand in Love. 
Unapologetic is me, L.

Who Touched My Thermostat?

    I was just listening to some snippets of Tina Campbell's new songs

that she has written for her solo project that was posted on fb. (S.N.: That song "Only Jesus Did It" gave me life. YES MRS. CAMPBELL!) I must say that I commend and applaud her for going through all that she has with her husband and still have the energy and power to stand, to smile and to even still be married to him all while going through it in the public eye. Shoot, Shakresha (Kre Kre for short) would have stabbed him in his heart just because her nosey homegirl found out about it and she didn't want to look like no punk to the hood who could care less because they was helping him to cheat.................. Too much? My bad. But anyway's. I truly applaud her. It takes a strong person to walk in those shoes and BABY she did that.
    Truth be told, we can all be a Tina Campbell. But a great deal of us chose not to, then call the next sister crazy for getting through it. Tina found healing through writing and music. The Word tells us that through every temptation our God provides a way of escape so that we may endure it (1 Corinthians 10:13 paraphrase). A lot of us refuse to use the way of escape and allow our flesh to reign. Then we get ourselves in deeper troubles than we ought to and blame the person and GOD instead of ourselves then claim that s/he made me do it.
    Hear me when I say this, NOBODY CAN MAKE YOU DO ANYTHING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO DO!!! None of us are walking around with bits in our mouths being navigated in directions by someone else holding the two attached reins. The things we do out of haste, malice and anger or our own doing. We control ourselves. And if you claim that you don't, my question to you is this: When did you take your hand off of the thermostat of your life? Yuiou should never let someone else's hand replace yours on the thermostat of your life. In my opinion, that's a form of slavery. You being dictated to on how to feel and when to feel it. How to react and when to react according to the way they feel and what they are trying to do..........
    We have to get to a place where we are in complete control of ourselves and no one else. I want to get to a place where if someone spits in my face I can walk away with a smile on my face and skip in my step and go get some ice cream. (I know THAT extreme is along shot, but a girl can dream right? Lol) My 3 children are watching Mommy. I'm not saying that I want them to allow people to do anything and everything to them and they just take it. But I want them to be first thinkers over being first reactors. The thinkers have always prospered in this world. Reactors normally end up in jail and I refuse to go see anybody in jail over something that you simply lost control of.
    Last thing I want to say is this, you can't know how strong you are or how far you've come if conflict didn't happen. Mrs. Campbell, I'm sure, is probably surprised of herself being able to handle all of that not "kill some body"(as she stated). But daily we should be growing as a person. Trials and tribulations are apart of this life we live in today and we're going to have them until the day we lay 6 ft under. If you don't evolve or grow at any point, what's the point of being here? GOD created us grow, to move forward, to evolve. I definitely don't want to be the same L I was last year or 5 years ago. I've gotten a year older in age but not in my thinking or maturity? That's for the birds. Give me growth any day. But my hand is on my thermostat and I'm going to take a page from Mrs. Campbell's book and keep it there.
Unapologetic is me, L.

Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself

    It is so mind blowing to me how people can be so wreckless with their words and expect there to be no consequences. People take on this "This is who I am" stance and just expect for others to accept them being nasty and disrespectful and then want others to respect them. No, that's not how it works and not how I was taught, and a good majority of you reading this now, as a little bambino growing up. If you want respect, you have to give respect is what I was told. But in this decade that we live in now, people think it's okay to be disrespectful and rude and not have it reciprocated because "This is who I am". The whole "do as I say and not as I do" aspect is alive, walking, talking and breathing. And very sickening might I add while needing to be put to rest.
    What ever happened to "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all"? Where did that go? Did it get buried with the Sweet Mama's and Big Daddy's from back in the day? I do think so. People have taken this whole "Keep it real" concept to another level and it's gotten ugly and very distasteful. We should teach our kids to speak their mind and take a stance for what they believe, but not to the point where they are being irrational, rude and dysfunctional like. I never want my kids to walk away from a situation where they leave a bad taste in people's mouths and nobody wants to deal with them. You need people to be prosperous and successful in this world. We have to learn to get our point across in way where others don't feel belittled or disregarded. Where we are standing up for ourselves but still empowering others to do and be better. The tongue is a powerful tool and it can either make or break a person. And I don't know about you, but I don't want to be responsible for breaking anybody. GOD would definitely not be pleased with that AT ALL.
    There is an old proverb that states that a word spoken in haste can not be taken back. We have to learn to think before we speak because once spoken, it's spoken. Words have the power to make people feel differing types of ways. And most of the time people will not forget how you made them feel. We need to spend more time building one another up as opposed to tearing one another down. But how can we build another up, when we are not properly built up ourselves? Some of us need to take a step back and realize this small but HUGE fact. That we are only projecting on others what is on the inside of us. Raggediness, filth and piss poor conditions that we try to cover up with makeup, full length weaves, stilettos and words filled with venom while trying to call it "Truth" and "Realness" when the true realness is that we are hurt, broken and in desperate need of repair and a serious self esteem boast.
    You see we have it truly twisted. You can't find true happiness in projecting your tongue venom on others. Making others to feel small so that you can feel tall and dressing it up, again, as "Truth". That's not how it works. If we took more time to work on bettering ourselves and allowing the Lord to heal our hurt, then we could find better use of our words and real joy in this world steered by satan to inflict pain, suffering and worthlessness at every turn. No longer can we feed into his plan to divide and conquer. But we must rise above and love without limits and beyond our boundaries. Not just others but ourselves as well and first and foremost. If you can't love yourself, you definitely can't love anyone else which is one of GOD's greatest commandments. To "love your neighbor as yourselves"..... remember. When you know better, you do better and that's the pool that I chose to swim in. 365, 24/7. :-)
Unapologetic is me, L.

Psalms 37:4

    One of my favorite scriptures is "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart" (Psalms 37:4). Many people ask me how I am able to do all the things that I do, go through what I go through and still remain sane. I tell them, standing on this scripture is how.
    Let's see, I'm a child of GOD first and foremost, a wife, a mother of 3, I Pastor a church alongside my husband, a college grad desiring to finish my Master's degree in Addictions Counseling, half owner and operator of an Events Planning business, a wedding coordinator, a decorator, a dance teacher, a counselor, a writer, the admin and bookkeeper for my church and so much more. On top of that I was diagnosed with Chron's disease which has warranted so many hospital stays and two surgeries to have part of my bowls and intestines removed. I suffer on a daily but I still manage to keep a smile on my face and continue to do everything that I need to do. I can't afford to stop and this passage of scripture, along with others, keep me motivated to keep going.
    I was not raised in church, so being a Pastor is not what I thought I would be doing as an adult. But the Faith that I gained before being diagnosed formally and going through everything that I have gone through in the past couple of years have made me able to keep on pushing. The average person couldn't handle my load and it's only by God's grace that I have. I found this scripture while on one of many hospital stays in Japan when doctors had given up on me. It spoke to me then and is still speaking to me today. I was only a mother of 1 at the time, but had I given up then when they gave up on me, my last two children would not be here today.
    When I think of that it makes me sad but it also motivates me. You see, we don't have to just take what man tells us as the route for our lives. I could have easily gave up, but I chose to stand. My desire was to live. But as the scripture stated, I first had to delight in Him. Every since I have figured out this formula, I have been unstoppable. They say if you don't stand for something you'll fall for anything. Well I stand on this Word. As I continue to delight in Him, God will continue to give me the desires of my heart. You see, His Word cannot return to Him void and it must do that which He sent it to do (Isaiah 55:11). I trust God because He's been there for me in the past. I had to try Him and He came through. So now I am much more than a believer in Him. Many times doctors have been proven wrong when it came to me. I've been told that I would lose my foot, my husband has been told that there was nothing else that they could do for me and other things. But I continue to delight and for the rest of my days I'll still do the same. They say if it's not broke, don't fix it. Well this is still working just fine for me. So I think I'll stay put for a little while longer. :)
Unapologetic is me, L.

Get To vs. Got To: A Change in Mindset

    Have you ever went to a fast food restaurant and the server treated you like you filled out their job application and are forcing them to work at that place against their free will? Isn't this the most depressing and upsetting thing ever? Doesn't this make you want to forget that you are a Christian and go smooth off? I know it makes me feel this way. I so dislike when people dislike what they do, then make others suffer for their descisions. We often find these attitudes in low income job markets. But this is a trend that needs to be changed and a gentleman that my husband and I encountered on getaway made me realize something that peeked my interest in this  area and sparked this blog posting.
     On yesterday my husband and I visited a fast food restaurant where the servers actually have to come outside in the seasonal elements to bring people their food. It was rather hot out but our server, an older looking gentleman, delivered our food to us with a smile on his face and a great attitude that caught my attention. As he walked away I turned my husband attention to his attitude. My husband didn't recognize it at first, but upon realizing it he stated that "Some people got to work and some people get to go to work". Where he could have been rude, ugly, nasty and sarcastic due to being out in the elements and working for what I'm assuming is minimum wage, he was none the sort and I believe that may be because of the way that he views his situation.
     Let me state that quote again from my husband...."Some people got to work and some people get to go to work". Your life is shaped by your attitude. All of us have some unfavorable situations that we go through to others. But whose standard and rules are we living by? We allow the world to label us as successful or unsuccessful by the jobs we have, the cars we drive, the houses we live in, the labels we wear, etc. Etc. But there are people who have all this stuff, and the means to get more of it, and are still unhappy. These things don't determine success nor happiness. What determines success and happiness to me is defined by me and yours is defined by you. Why? Because we all were given a different set of cards to play this card game of life by.
     Well what are you talking about, you ask. In this world we tend to put people into boxes and jobs are a big box variable. If a person works at McDonald's and are in their 30's, they are put in a box separate from a person in their 30's who is a doctor or a lawyer and they are unusually titled unsuccessful or a failure. But what makes them a failure if they are happy doing what they do? They enjoy getting up and going to their place of employment. Hey at least they have one right? Due to circumstances in their past, they weren't afforded the opportunity to go to college. They may have had to take up the slack and care for younger siblings due to a negligent or deceased parent. But their job at McDonald's is helping to put their siblings through college and get the degree that they never got...... So they can smile and be polite and courteous taking orders at that check out counter because they "get to do" what they are doing and not just "got to do" it. Often times we are so quick to judge before we know the whole story. But if we knew the whole story, we would understand the glory that they feel taking orders of people who look down on them for doing what they are doing.
     Your attitude and how you feel about you and what you're able to do should shape how successful or unsuccessful you are not other people's idea of it. In this world we have to be confident in who we are no matter what we do. There are people who wish they could get up and go to work, but they are bound to a bed having people wait on them hand and foot due to disabilities or tragedies that occurred in their past. We have to think positive and look at the brighter side of why we do what we do. There are people on this world that wish they could do what you do. I read the story about the parking lot attendant guy who works for $12 an hour but is worth $500,000...... that's half a million dollars! AND, on top of that, he's dyslexic. There are doctors, pro athlete's, actresses and actors that are broke as a joke constantly trying to hold up a facade living up to the world's standards. The job that you have shouldn't make or break you. We shouldn't let them define us or deem us as successful or unsuccessful. So tomorrow when you wake up, don't say "Man, I got to go to work". No, change that stinking thinking and say "Man, I get to go to work" and then make the best decisions for the income that you bring in. Work the income level that you have, don't let that income level work you.
     Success and happiness is defined by you and you alone. If you flip burgers, be a happy burger flipper. If you are a security guard, be a polite and courteous security guard. You and your job is just as important as the police officer, lawyer or doctor. Don't let small minded people deter you from believing that your job is important because it is.
Unapologetic is me, L.

Pastors in the Pool Hall

    Before my hubby and I became Pastors', one of our favorite pastimes was going to shoot pool at the local Pool Hall of whatever city we were living in. It was never a problem to go in, get a table, have a drink or two and just have fun. We loved doing this. Again, this was before we became Pastors, shoot even before kids. But now since we have the infamous "Pastor" stamp on our foreheads, it kind of bugged me in some sort of way to step into a pool hall. But get this, it isn't the position that is the hindrance, it was the fear of what people may say if they saw us coming in, going out, or maybe even just passing by and seeing our car parked in front of it. Isn't it something that people's opinions stops us from doing some of the very things that we love? Even if it is innocent. I have ran across people that once they have formulated in their head what they think is going on, that is exactly what it is and they run with it. All the facts in the world could point to something different, but because they want to see it "this" way, they do. Because of this very thing, we have become slaves to Christianity and have limited ourselves and been reduced to being boring old fogies who do nothing but go to church, work and sit at home watching reruns. (Huge Sigh)

     Back to the pool hall. Typically, people associate the pool hall with loud worldly music, drinking, smoking and possible fighting. It's one step away from going to the club. It's just a smoke filled room with drunk people laying across a pool table trying to use a long stick and push 9 balls in 6 holes with long cigarettes hanging off of their lip while a group of people hover in a corner, all with beers in their hands, awaiting their turn to fondle those same sticks and balls while talking an immense amount of trash. Am I right? But this is not always the case. Some people go to just have an intimate time with their mate and do something different and out of the ordinary (hand raised)(both hands raised).

     My hubby had been asking me for the past couple of months to go with him to a pool hall. We were in the parking lot of one one time and I got cold feet and said "Hurry up and get us out of here before somebody sees us". It was so pitiful and sad now that I think about it. And because my hubby respects me so much, he just quietly turned the car away from the pool hall trying to mask his puppy dog sad face. (It was so sad :(). Tonight I decided that I no longer wanted to be a slave to what people might conjure up in their head, say or think and I broke the chains off. I am a GROWN WOMAN and I know who I serve. Just because one is in the place, does not mean that they partake of what is offered or what others may be doing. Some people do far more crazy stuff in their house privately then what my hubby and I were wanting to do inside this pool hall. But that is another story for another time honey child. 

     I have come to the point where I have realized that if people want to say that you are doing something, they will figure out a way to say it. It is time that we break these chains and stop allowing people to have that mind control over us (You know like Debo in Friday). I take the Spirit of the Lord with me wherever I go and I pray for the Lord to convict me when I am even thinking wrong. But we all have to realize that we don't walk around with the same convictions nor temptations either. Some people cannot be around alcohol period while others can be around it and not even know it or be tempted to want to have a drink. It's all about your convictions and how strong you are to contain and control yourself from falling short........ But we ALL FALL SHORT. None of us are perfect. I find that those who spend the most time condemning others are the ones with the biggest sins that they are carrying. They just want somebody else to feel as bad as they do when all they need to do is truly repent and be set free themselves.......... or just stop being controlling (shoulder shrug). 

    But not I. Not any more. I know my limitations, I know my temptations and I know my weaknesses. If my hubby and I want to go shoot pool, we can go and do that. Prayerfully we will have one in our own home one day and that will be the end of this (fingers crossed.... and toes and eyes) (But only because I can't STAND cigarette smoke. What? I'm asthmatic). But no longer should we allow others, or even ourselves, to convict us when we know that we are innocent in what we are doing. If people want to let their imaginations run wild, let them. God and I have an understanding and that is all that matters. You better get you some understanding with Him. Now you WILL NOT catch me at the club, but YOU MAY catch me at the pool hall. (Until I get my pool table that is.) ;)

Unapologetic is me, L. 

Things I've Learned On This Journey Called Marriage pt.2

"No Lane Jumping"-Stay In Your Lane

    My hubby and I have been privileged enough to have worked together for almost the entire length of our marriage in some capacity through ministry. Some people call it a privilege to work their spouse while others will most certainly disagree. I believe it has been a privilege though because it has helped us to learn each other more deeply and it has drawn us closer in these last 10 years of marriage. 

    While it was bumpy at first, and still sometimes is, we discovered that we both had to find our own lane and ride that joker out. Through my experiences of us constantly bumping heads then reaching a point where we tolerable to one another to now finally coasting like the sunroof down on a warm and sunny California day, it is my firm belief that if both parties are committed to identifying and staying in their own lane, being a team and working together with no added stress on your marriage is absolutely possible. I, in no shape form or fashion desire to control my husband and neither does he want to control me. But while we were learning our roles, we found that we wanted to control the other person to get out of our face and go sit down somewhere. Lol. 

    When we started the ministry we tried to share an office........ Nope, that didn't go well at all!!! I am neat, orderly and everything has to be in it's proper place if you're not using it and he's okay with leaving stuff all over his desk and office until he gets tired of looking at his stuff being all over his desk and office. Also, when I am studying or doing the church books or anything admin (yep, that's all me), I have to have absolute silence, while he has T.D. Jakes, R.A. Vernon or some type of music jamming for himself. (That is "supposedly" how he studies.) This set up was just was not working for us and we found ourselves arguing more than getting any work done and building the ministry that God gave to us to Shepherd and grow. So I politely, well I think it was politely he may say different, moved across the hallway into my own space. There I can be as quiet, as neat and as put together as I wanted to be. Sure it meant we were down a classroom, but that is the price we were willing to pay for our sanity and for the sake of our marriage. 

    Before my husband and I became Pastors' of our own ministry, he was the minister of music at our previous church. OKAY, this is where ALL the trouble was. He would want us to sing certain songs and I felt that as his wife, and bed mate :), my opinion was going to and needed to be heard because I love music and I knew so much better than him. (Well at least that was my thinking. Lol) We constantly and consistently bumped heads. After about 6 years of doing the same thing while expecting different results (isn't that called insanity), we realized that it was just not going to work and had to be honest. As much as I LOVE to sing, as long as he is on the keyboard, we have come to the conclusion that we are not strong enough to stay in our lanes (well me mostly). So this is where you have to be strong enough to step away, no matter how much you LOVE to do it, in order to not cause reprehensible damage to your relationship. Especially if they are the more needed one to that scenario. For example, my husband was the minister of music. If he didn't play that keyboard, there was no music. There were plenty of singers. So, I had to put on my big girl underwear and bow out. I had lane jumped for so many years that we never got back in the race, we just laid there mangled up together on the tracks. "Lane jumping" will only cause for you to trip one another up and then somebody is in the loudspeaker yelling "DOWN GOES FRASIER". So not cool. 

     Even when it comes to matters of your household, both parties have to find their lane and run in that mug. It took us years to figure out who handles the money better, who cooks better, who handles the kids better, so on and so forth. At first we were like, you're the woman so you cook, clean, iron, get up in the morning with the kids (which is SOOOOOOO not my ministry, I HATE mornings), so on and so forth. While he worked, paid the bills, took care of the cars, you know all the manly stuff. After 10 years (yep I said 10) we finally figured out that this model family that God knows who created, just did not fit us. My husband gets up in the morning with the kids, we take turns cooking, I am the saver and the carer for the bills and both of our vehicles, so on and so forth. We figured out our own lanes and now we are coasting. Our kids have never been happier, our bank accounts have never been bigger and we have never been happier. That model family crap is for the birds and I'll tell any and everybody that. There is no one size fits all model. It's a do what works for you model and by golly we are doing it! 

     So this is what it is and that is what I call "lane jumping". Every now and then we have to remind one another that the other is lane jumping and we humble ourselves and mosey on back to our lane. We don't want to go back to where we were. Shoot, it took 10 years to get away from there. It is very detrimental to your marriage that this not occur if you plan on starting and running ANYTHING together. Oh yeah, right next to leaving work at work and home at home, NEVER intermingling the two (but that is a subject matter for a whole other time). We are trying to leave a strong legacy and our kids watch us too closely to continue to go down that road and expect to raise healthy, stable and whole kids. So if you're going to try this couple work together thingy, find your lane, find it quickly and stay in it. Your marriage, your sanity, shoot your kids sanity, depends on it. Be realistic and humble enough to bow out of even the thing that you love to do if the other partner is more needed in that area and find something else to do. By the way, I am a heck of a dancer so I switched to that. Very rewarding and much more peaceful.

Unapologetic is me, L. 

Why Have We Dropped Our Rocks?!?!

    Every Tuesday night is corporate prayer at the church that my husband and I Pastor, Impact Christian Center. I always ask God to show me the state of my church, my city, my nation etc. so that I know what to pray for. Tonight as the Lord begin to reveal things to me, He showed me something very disturbing. What I saw was a vision of David standing before Goliath. Now we all know that David defeated Goliath the giant with a sling shot and some rocks. But in this particular vision David had no rocks at all in his hand but still was looking and standing before Goliath.

    After praying for revelation, what was revealed to me was that a great deal of us see our giant before us, but we've put down our rocks. We know what it takes to defeat our giants, but we refuse to utilize our weapons. These giants range from finances, to people, to our jobs, to our bills and our weapon is speaking the Word of GOD over these situations and standing on that Word. My question is, why have we stopped using our weapon? Why have we dropped our rocks? Or did we ever have them? Maybe we have dressed it up in a pretty outfit to make it look like we knew how to fight and were in a victorious place and now the real truth is coming to the light......

    It baffles me how we put on these facades like we have it all together and that our giants are beneath us and defeated when all along all we've done is redirected others to look in a different and clear direction away from it. We quote all the right scriptures at the right time and even pray for others to come out of their dark places when we only have a temporary candle being held over our own head that gets blown out as soon as we're out of others sight.

    You know what caused David to be triumphant? It wasn't his technique, his rocks or even his strength. But it was his belief and his faith in the God that He served having his back and not leaving him not forsaking him. That the promises with his name on it were truly his. If you don't believe or have faith, you basically have nothing. You can have as many rocks, stones or even boulders in your hands that you want to have, but without faith you have absolutely nothing. Why keep up the facades? Why try so hard to trick people into believing that you're so put together and have everything under control when the reality is that your a hot mess, living in a pit being devoured and overtaken daily. 

    It's time that we take off the mask and be real with ourselves. Like I've heard someone say before, "You can fool people all the time, but God none of the time". And He's the one that really and truly matters. He knows the state of your heart. He knows all your weaknesses, but the good thing about that is that He wants you to win always and forever. You'resupposed to win. He won't talk about you behind your back nor will He leave you in your time of weakness or distress. He truly has your back like none other.

    So it's time to pick up your rocks. You can't throw a rock that your not first holding in your hand. What do you have to lose? Nothing!!! But you have everything to gain. Just believe and get into position. With the God you serve, you're going to win. No doubt about it.

Unapologetic is me, L.

A Black History Moment That Embarrassed Me

   The picture to the right of this writing is so powerful and says so much, but I am so disturbed to say that I knew nothing about what was going on. I saw this picture on Instagram and it captured my attention instantly. I am not (nor have I ever been) a history buff, but it still is not enough for me to not know of some of the most important happenings in our history. "Bloody Sunday", as it is called, occured on March 7, 1965 and is such a monumental mark in the black culture and our history and I am ashamed that I didn't know about it but unashamed of my truth. But this made me wonder, how many other people are their out there that don't know their history like me? How important is it to know how hard people worked back then for us as black people to have the liberties that we have today? To me it is very important. So I did my research and the things that I read about that day made me weep. 

Here is a synopsis of what happened to make this event a major part of history: 

    "During January and February, 1965, King and SCLC led a series of demonstrations to the Dallas County Courthouse. On February 17, protester Jimmy Lee Jackson was fatally shot by an Alabama state trooper. In response, a protest march from Selma to Montgomery was scheduled for March 7. Six hundred marchers assembled in Selma on Sunday, March 7, and, led by John Lewis and other SNCC and SCLC activists, crossed the Edmund Pettus Bridge over the Alabama River en route to Montgomery. Just short of the bridge, they found their way blocked by Alabama State troopers and local police who ordered them to turn around. When the protesters refused, the officers shot teargas and waded into the crowd, beating the nonviolent protesters with billy clubs and ultimately hospitalizing over fifty people." 

    “Bloody Sunday” was televised around the world. Martin Luther King called for civil rights supporters to come to Selma for a second march. When members of Congress pressured him to restrain the march until a court could rule on whether the protesters deserved federal protection, King found himself torn between their requests for patience and demands of the movement activists pouring into Selma. King, still conflicted, led the second protest on March 9 but turned it around at the same bridge. King’s actions exacerbated the tension between SCLC and the more militant SNCC, who were pushing for more radical tactics that would move from nonviolent protest to win reforms to active opposition to racist institutions. 

    On March 21, the final successful march began with federal protection, and on August 6, 1965, the federal Voting Rights Act was passed, completing the process that King had hoped for. Yet Bloody Sunday was about more than winning a federal act; it highlighted the political pressures King was negotiating at the time, between movement radicalism and federal calls for restraint, as well as the tensions between SCLC and SNCC. 

- See more at: http://www.blackpast.org/aah/bloody-sunday-selma-alabama-march-7-1965#sthash.8uLRZwK0.dpuf 

    

    It is such a shame what people like Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and others had to go through for us to be where we are today. I sit behind a computer screen with 3 degrees, 2 growing and prospering business and the liberty to come and go as I please as not only a black person, but also a female. I am thankful to pioneers and civil rights leaders such as the late Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Malcolm X, Rosa Parks all the way back to Harriet Tubman and the others that fought and risked their lives so that we could have liberty. But how can we truly say that we are grateful when we don't truly know the extent of what they really endured? I owe it to myself, to them and to my kids to be educated about and to teach my children of the hardship that was endured for us to be free. I refuse to be ignorant another day. 

    I have to say that before I was afraid to know about the beatings, hosing's, lynchings, dog attacks and so much more because of my fear of anger kicking in. I haven't watched many documentaries on what my ancestors went through, but now is not the time to allow what I think I may feel take control of what I feel I need to know not just for myself, but for my children and grandchildren. I want for myself and my offspring to remain humble and not take for granted the liberties that we now have and to respectable to those that fought and died for us to have these rights. I don't want MLK,Jr.'s birthday to just be a day off from school in my children's sight. I want them to understand what it truly means, just like Christmas and Easter. But this, just like everything else, starts with me the parent. I desire for my kids to be better than me, but I have to set the standard AND THEN press for them to exceed it. When you know better, you do better. 

Unapologetic is me, L. 

CAUTION: TEENAGER AHEAD!!!

    So, I just realized that in a few days I will officially be the parent of a............ (I'm almost afraid to say the word)... teenager. OH GAWD, that was so hard. They say what you did to your parents come back on you 10 times harder. For the most part I believe I was a good kid........ I think. I may need to call my mom again.

    I had my moments just like every other teen. Especially when I discovered boys. (Insert ick face). I was soooooo in love. I thought "Jody" was the one and my mom was just so mean. I understand now what she meant back then, but now I have to teach my kids "what I mean". Lol. Luckily, I have my awesome hubby and we can go through this TOGETHER! TAG TEAM!!!!

    But yes, my son is going to be 13. Am I excited?....... yes and no. Ok, yes because it is interesting to see how I develop and mature over the years as he develops and matures. I was 19 and in the military when I had him, still sort of a baby myself. I have to admit that I may not have made some of the smartest choices in raising him but I did, and do, what I know to do. I was (am, to be honest) super tough on him. I just want him to be a good and disciplined man, but in some of my toughness I notice how I may have broken his confidence a little. :( SO I find myself now having to help rebuild those broken places without completely taking it easy on him because I still want him to know that there are rules and consequences in this world. But I am absolutely interested to see what kind of man he becomes. He is very polite and giving (which I'm trying to teach him to use discernment in that area). But in my opinion he is a good kid and I really am excited to see the man that he becomes.

    Ok, no because he is the oldest of 3 and my youngest son follows him to the "T", but he is totally oblivious to it. So I am afraid to see what little fads or little habits that my son picks up and bring into my house. And plus he is my first born, my first baby. He was my only child for 5 1/2 years. He did my military term with me. He's my big baby.

     But I hear with these teenage years comes attitude and girls. I'm so not ready for that. The attitude will get him into hot water and so can the girls. I'M JUST NOT READY! :(  But I know there is nothing that I can do about it. Soon he'll be graduating, moving out and starting life on his own. All I can do is pray that I am doing the absolute best that I can as a parent to instill Godly principles and wisdom into him. I want him to be a productive and responsible man in this world. I don't want to have a menace to society as a son. I also pray that with all these recent killings going on of young black men, that he not be statistic or a notch in someones racist belt. (SIGH) A mother can only hope and pray. But I know I have to do my job in raising him. He is very respectful and polite and prayerfully this leads him in the direction of good and right. I know once he leaves my house I can only hope that the work that I and my husband have done is good enough. I know that we are all one bad decision away from being poor, broke, homeless or dead. So I pray extra hard over my children and my husband and myself to do and be our absolute best and to maximize our potential for good.

    So yes, I am about to be the lucky parent of my very first teenager. One of three to be exact. At least when my second becomes a teenager, this one will be out of my house.......... or almost out. Lol. I have to admit, I feel that these next few years are going to be....... interesting to say the least. I just pray that God gives my husband and I the wisdom and discernment to do a great job and raise an asset and not a menace to society. Welp, I can't avoid or dodge it, so READY, SET, GO!!! Wish me luck and if you have ANY productive or helpful advice, PLEASE feel free leave it in the comment section. If not, just pray for me. Lol. Thanks in advance.

Unapologetic is me, L.

Dear Younger Me,

    There is just soooooo much that I want to tell you SO LISTEN CLOSELY. Life does not get easier as you get older so stop rushing to be older. Enjoy being a youngster with no responsibilities except for school. And stop playing so much there. You are so smart and school comes so easy to you. Stop taking that for granted. Study hard, plan for college, plan for life. When you get older, education will be everything. Continue to play your sports. Give it your all and be the best that you can be. Your passion is volleyball right? Go to college to be a teacher and become that volleyball coach that you want to be. Wait on the boys. Being in a relationship is not all it looks to be even though it seems like everyone around you is in one. But I guarantee you that you won't find "The One" for a long time after your school years. 

    Also, be nicer to your sisters. Lol. When you get older you're going to want a closer relationship with them, but you may have ruined that by being a butthole to them while you all are younger. They love you, they look up to you. Sure it may seem annoying to you to have them around, but they are not that much younger than you and they are still learning just like you. Love on them and watch how they love on you back. That love that you are missing from your daddy not being there and momma working the way that she do, you might find that they can fill some of that for you. :)  

   I know you respect your momma and you want more of her time and attention, but understand that she is only doing what she knows to do and doing the best at that. You want to hear her say that she loves you, why not be the first to say it to her. You only know bits and pieces of her back ground, but when you find out he totality of her situation, then you'll be more understanding of why she is the way that she is. She loves you and believes that as long as she works 2 and 3 jobs at a time so that you and your sisters never go hungry and have decent clothes on your back, she's doing her absolute best. You'll have kids someday and you'll get it. And do everything with them that you longed for to be done with you.

   You'll get over the pain of what has happened to you against your will. You'll grow stronger in the Lord and begin to understand that people didn't hurt you, the Spirits within them did. Those things happened to you, but don't let them define, shape or mold you nor your worth. Begin now learning how to forgive and let go as hard as it may hurt. This will help you to not be so hard on future people that you cross paths with, but also your husband because you sure do give him the blues sometimes based off your past and the built up unforgiveness in your heart. Lol. 

   Know that everybody that comes into your life, because they are your age, they don't always have your best interest at heart. Don't just open yourself up to everyone, but don't just shut everyone out either. Use your discernment. You know, that little voice in you that tells you if a person or thing is good or bad. Listen to it. It won't steer you wrong and shed the fat. Take more risk. Take full advantage of your youth. Don't be in a rush to grow up. Life is not going anywhere. Live and love like none other. Get involved in your community and don't be so worried about what people may say about you. You'll have that all your life. People will tell lies until the day you die. Learn to brush it off and keep moving forward. Develop a forward moving, goal oriented mentality but let it be age appropriate. Learn to save money and protect your credit. It will be worth more than you understand it to be worth now. You'll need it for more than you know or understand now. 

   Have fun, don't be so serious and guarded all the time. Life is meant to be lived. Your a great person and people will love you. You are beautiful, talented, athletic, smart, polite, creative and a natural organizer. DON'T EVER stop working on improving you. DON'T EVER give up on you. Whenever you get a chance, get comfortable with talking in front of and having conversations with differing people. Expand your horizons and be the best you that you can be. Maximize your potential and again, take risk. Yes you may mess up at times, but learn now how to get back up, dust yourself off and keep it pushing. ENCOURAGE YOURSELF. You can do this. You're built for this. The sky is the limit for you. You can have whatever you want. The world is yours. Take advantage of it, love God, learn to forgive quickly and love and respect yourself better than anyone else can. If you love you, the world won't be as harsh to you as they are trying to be. Walk boldly and with your head held high. No more looking at the pavement, but eyes on the sky. You can, you will, you must. XOXO, your older you.

Unapologetic is me,L.