Pastors in the Pool Hall

    Before my hubby and I became Pastors', one of our favorite pastimes was going to shoot pool at the local Pool Hall of whatever city we were living in. It was never a problem to go in, get a table, have a drink or two and just have fun. We loved doing this. Again, this was before we became Pastors, shoot even before kids. But now since we have the infamous "Pastor" stamp on our foreheads, it kind of bugged me in some sort of way to step into a pool hall. But get this, it isn't the position that is the hindrance, it was the fear of what people may say if they saw us coming in, going out, or maybe even just passing by and seeing our car parked in front of it. Isn't it something that people's opinions stops us from doing some of the very things that we love? Even if it is innocent. I have ran across people that once they have formulated in their head what they think is going on, that is exactly what it is and they run with it. All the facts in the world could point to something different, but because they want to see it "this" way, they do. Because of this very thing, we have become slaves to Christianity and have limited ourselves and been reduced to being boring old fogies who do nothing but go to church, work and sit at home watching reruns. (Huge Sigh)

     Back to the pool hall. Typically, people associate the pool hall with loud worldly music, drinking, smoking and possible fighting. It's one step away from going to the club. It's just a smoke filled room with drunk people laying across a pool table trying to use a long stick and push 9 balls in 6 holes with long cigarettes hanging off of their lip while a group of people hover in a corner, all with beers in their hands, awaiting their turn to fondle those same sticks and balls while talking an immense amount of trash. Am I right? But this is not always the case. Some people go to just have an intimate time with their mate and do something different and out of the ordinary (hand raised)(both hands raised).

     My hubby had been asking me for the past couple of months to go with him to a pool hall. We were in the parking lot of one one time and I got cold feet and said "Hurry up and get us out of here before somebody sees us". It was so pitiful and sad now that I think about it. And because my hubby respects me so much, he just quietly turned the car away from the pool hall trying to mask his puppy dog sad face. (It was so sad :(). Tonight I decided that I no longer wanted to be a slave to what people might conjure up in their head, say or think and I broke the chains off. I am a GROWN WOMAN and I know who I serve. Just because one is in the place, does not mean that they partake of what is offered or what others may be doing. Some people do far more crazy stuff in their house privately then what my hubby and I were wanting to do inside this pool hall. But that is another story for another time honey child. 

     I have come to the point where I have realized that if people want to say that you are doing something, they will figure out a way to say it. It is time that we break these chains and stop allowing people to have that mind control over us (You know like Debo in Friday). I take the Spirit of the Lord with me wherever I go and I pray for the Lord to convict me when I am even thinking wrong. But we all have to realize that we don't walk around with the same convictions nor temptations either. Some people cannot be around alcohol period while others can be around it and not even know it or be tempted to want to have a drink. It's all about your convictions and how strong you are to contain and control yourself from falling short........ But we ALL FALL SHORT. None of us are perfect. I find that those who spend the most time condemning others are the ones with the biggest sins that they are carrying. They just want somebody else to feel as bad as they do when all they need to do is truly repent and be set free themselves.......... or just stop being controlling (shoulder shrug). 

    But not I. Not any more. I know my limitations, I know my temptations and I know my weaknesses. If my hubby and I want to go shoot pool, we can go and do that. Prayerfully we will have one in our own home one day and that will be the end of this (fingers crossed.... and toes and eyes) (But only because I can't STAND cigarette smoke. What? I'm asthmatic). But no longer should we allow others, or even ourselves, to convict us when we know that we are innocent in what we are doing. If people want to let their imaginations run wild, let them. God and I have an understanding and that is all that matters. You better get you some understanding with Him. Now you WILL NOT catch me at the club, but YOU MAY catch me at the pool hall. (Until I get my pool table that is.) ;)

Unapologetic is me, L. 

Things I've Learned On This Journey Called Marriage pt.2

"No Lane Jumping"-Stay In Your Lane

    My hubby and I have been privileged enough to have worked together for almost the entire length of our marriage in some capacity through ministry. Some people call it a privilege to work their spouse while others will most certainly disagree. I believe it has been a privilege though because it has helped us to learn each other more deeply and it has drawn us closer in these last 10 years of marriage. 

    While it was bumpy at first, and still sometimes is, we discovered that we both had to find our own lane and ride that joker out. Through my experiences of us constantly bumping heads then reaching a point where we tolerable to one another to now finally coasting like the sunroof down on a warm and sunny California day, it is my firm belief that if both parties are committed to identifying and staying in their own lane, being a team and working together with no added stress on your marriage is absolutely possible. I, in no shape form or fashion desire to control my husband and neither does he want to control me. But while we were learning our roles, we found that we wanted to control the other person to get out of our face and go sit down somewhere. Lol. 

    When we started the ministry we tried to share an office........ Nope, that didn't go well at all!!! I am neat, orderly and everything has to be in it's proper place if you're not using it and he's okay with leaving stuff all over his desk and office until he gets tired of looking at his stuff being all over his desk and office. Also, when I am studying or doing the church books or anything admin (yep, that's all me), I have to have absolute silence, while he has T.D. Jakes, R.A. Vernon or some type of music jamming for himself. (That is "supposedly" how he studies.) This set up was just was not working for us and we found ourselves arguing more than getting any work done and building the ministry that God gave to us to Shepherd and grow. So I politely, well I think it was politely he may say different, moved across the hallway into my own space. There I can be as quiet, as neat and as put together as I wanted to be. Sure it meant we were down a classroom, but that is the price we were willing to pay for our sanity and for the sake of our marriage. 

    Before my husband and I became Pastors' of our own ministry, he was the minister of music at our previous church. OKAY, this is where ALL the trouble was. He would want us to sing certain songs and I felt that as his wife, and bed mate :), my opinion was going to and needed to be heard because I love music and I knew so much better than him. (Well at least that was my thinking. Lol) We constantly and consistently bumped heads. After about 6 years of doing the same thing while expecting different results (isn't that called insanity), we realized that it was just not going to work and had to be honest. As much as I LOVE to sing, as long as he is on the keyboard, we have come to the conclusion that we are not strong enough to stay in our lanes (well me mostly). So this is where you have to be strong enough to step away, no matter how much you LOVE to do it, in order to not cause reprehensible damage to your relationship. Especially if they are the more needed one to that scenario. For example, my husband was the minister of music. If he didn't play that keyboard, there was no music. There were plenty of singers. So, I had to put on my big girl underwear and bow out. I had lane jumped for so many years that we never got back in the race, we just laid there mangled up together on the tracks. "Lane jumping" will only cause for you to trip one another up and then somebody is in the loudspeaker yelling "DOWN GOES FRASIER". So not cool. 

     Even when it comes to matters of your household, both parties have to find their lane and run in that mug. It took us years to figure out who handles the money better, who cooks better, who handles the kids better, so on and so forth. At first we were like, you're the woman so you cook, clean, iron, get up in the morning with the kids (which is SOOOOOOO not my ministry, I HATE mornings), so on and so forth. While he worked, paid the bills, took care of the cars, you know all the manly stuff. After 10 years (yep I said 10) we finally figured out that this model family that God knows who created, just did not fit us. My husband gets up in the morning with the kids, we take turns cooking, I am the saver and the carer for the bills and both of our vehicles, so on and so forth. We figured out our own lanes and now we are coasting. Our kids have never been happier, our bank accounts have never been bigger and we have never been happier. That model family crap is for the birds and I'll tell any and everybody that. There is no one size fits all model. It's a do what works for you model and by golly we are doing it! 

     So this is what it is and that is what I call "lane jumping". Every now and then we have to remind one another that the other is lane jumping and we humble ourselves and mosey on back to our lane. We don't want to go back to where we were. Shoot, it took 10 years to get away from there. It is very detrimental to your marriage that this not occur if you plan on starting and running ANYTHING together. Oh yeah, right next to leaving work at work and home at home, NEVER intermingling the two (but that is a subject matter for a whole other time). We are trying to leave a strong legacy and our kids watch us too closely to continue to go down that road and expect to raise healthy, stable and whole kids. So if you're going to try this couple work together thingy, find your lane, find it quickly and stay in it. Your marriage, your sanity, shoot your kids sanity, depends on it. Be realistic and humble enough to bow out of even the thing that you love to do if the other partner is more needed in that area and find something else to do. By the way, I am a heck of a dancer so I switched to that. Very rewarding and much more peaceful.

Unapologetic is me, L. 

Why Have We Dropped Our Rocks?!?!

    Every Tuesday night is corporate prayer at the church that my husband and I Pastor, Impact Christian Center. I always ask God to show me the state of my church, my city, my nation etc. so that I know what to pray for. Tonight as the Lord begin to reveal things to me, He showed me something very disturbing. What I saw was a vision of David standing before Goliath. Now we all know that David defeated Goliath the giant with a sling shot and some rocks. But in this particular vision David had no rocks at all in his hand but still was looking and standing before Goliath.

    After praying for revelation, what was revealed to me was that a great deal of us see our giant before us, but we've put down our rocks. We know what it takes to defeat our giants, but we refuse to utilize our weapons. These giants range from finances, to people, to our jobs, to our bills and our weapon is speaking the Word of GOD over these situations and standing on that Word. My question is, why have we stopped using our weapon? Why have we dropped our rocks? Or did we ever have them? Maybe we have dressed it up in a pretty outfit to make it look like we knew how to fight and were in a victorious place and now the real truth is coming to the light......

    It baffles me how we put on these facades like we have it all together and that our giants are beneath us and defeated when all along all we've done is redirected others to look in a different and clear direction away from it. We quote all the right scriptures at the right time and even pray for others to come out of their dark places when we only have a temporary candle being held over our own head that gets blown out as soon as we're out of others sight.

    You know what caused David to be triumphant? It wasn't his technique, his rocks or even his strength. But it was his belief and his faith in the God that He served having his back and not leaving him not forsaking him. That the promises with his name on it were truly his. If you don't believe or have faith, you basically have nothing. You can have as many rocks, stones or even boulders in your hands that you want to have, but without faith you have absolutely nothing. Why keep up the facades? Why try so hard to trick people into believing that you're so put together and have everything under control when the reality is that your a hot mess, living in a pit being devoured and overtaken daily. 

    It's time that we take off the mask and be real with ourselves. Like I've heard someone say before, "You can fool people all the time, but God none of the time". And He's the one that really and truly matters. He knows the state of your heart. He knows all your weaknesses, but the good thing about that is that He wants you to win always and forever. You'resupposed to win. He won't talk about you behind your back nor will He leave you in your time of weakness or distress. He truly has your back like none other.

    So it's time to pick up your rocks. You can't throw a rock that your not first holding in your hand. What do you have to lose? Nothing!!! But you have everything to gain. Just believe and get into position. With the God you serve, you're going to win. No doubt about it.

Unapologetic is me, L.

A Black History Moment That Embarrassed Me

   The picture to the right of this writing is so powerful and says so much, but I am so disturbed to say that I knew nothing about what was going on. I saw this picture on Instagram and it captured my attention instantly. I am not (nor have I ever been) a history buff, but it still is not enough for me to not know of some of the most important happenings in our history. "Bloody Sunday", as it is called, occured on March 7, 1965 and is such a monumental mark in the black culture and our history and I am ashamed that I didn't know about it but unashamed of my truth. But this made me wonder, how many other people are their out there that don't know their history like me? How important is it to know how hard people worked back then for us as black people to have the liberties that we have today? To me it is very important. So I did my research and the things that I read about that day made me weep. 

Here is a synopsis of what happened to make this event a major part of history: 

    "During January and February, 1965, King and SCLC led a series of demonstrations to the Dallas County Courthouse. On February 17, protester Jimmy Lee Jackson was fatally shot by an Alabama state trooper. In response, a protest march from Selma to Montgomery was scheduled for March 7. Six hundred marchers assembled in Selma on Sunday, March 7, and, led by John Lewis and other SNCC and SCLC activists, crossed the Edmund Pettus Bridge over the Alabama River en route to Montgomery. Just short of the bridge, they found their way blocked by Alabama State troopers and local police who ordered them to turn around. When the protesters refused, the officers shot teargas and waded into the crowd, beating the nonviolent protesters with billy clubs and ultimately hospitalizing over fifty people." 

    “Bloody Sunday” was televised around the world. Martin Luther King called for civil rights supporters to come to Selma for a second march. When members of Congress pressured him to restrain the march until a court could rule on whether the protesters deserved federal protection, King found himself torn between their requests for patience and demands of the movement activists pouring into Selma. King, still conflicted, led the second protest on March 9 but turned it around at the same bridge. King’s actions exacerbated the tension between SCLC and the more militant SNCC, who were pushing for more radical tactics that would move from nonviolent protest to win reforms to active opposition to racist institutions. 

    On March 21, the final successful march began with federal protection, and on August 6, 1965, the federal Voting Rights Act was passed, completing the process that King had hoped for. Yet Bloody Sunday was about more than winning a federal act; it highlighted the political pressures King was negotiating at the time, between movement radicalism and federal calls for restraint, as well as the tensions between SCLC and SNCC. 

- See more at: http://www.blackpast.org/aah/bloody-sunday-selma-alabama-march-7-1965#sthash.8uLRZwK0.dpuf 

    

    It is such a shame what people like Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and others had to go through for us to be where we are today. I sit behind a computer screen with 3 degrees, 2 growing and prospering business and the liberty to come and go as I please as not only a black person, but also a female. I am thankful to pioneers and civil rights leaders such as the late Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Malcolm X, Rosa Parks all the way back to Harriet Tubman and the others that fought and risked their lives so that we could have liberty. But how can we truly say that we are grateful when we don't truly know the extent of what they really endured? I owe it to myself, to them and to my kids to be educated about and to teach my children of the hardship that was endured for us to be free. I refuse to be ignorant another day. 

    I have to say that before I was afraid to know about the beatings, hosing's, lynchings, dog attacks and so much more because of my fear of anger kicking in. I haven't watched many documentaries on what my ancestors went through, but now is not the time to allow what I think I may feel take control of what I feel I need to know not just for myself, but for my children and grandchildren. I want for myself and my offspring to remain humble and not take for granted the liberties that we now have and to respectable to those that fought and died for us to have these rights. I don't want MLK,Jr.'s birthday to just be a day off from school in my children's sight. I want them to understand what it truly means, just like Christmas and Easter. But this, just like everything else, starts with me the parent. I desire for my kids to be better than me, but I have to set the standard AND THEN press for them to exceed it. When you know better, you do better. 

Unapologetic is me, L. 

CAUTION: TEENAGER AHEAD!!!

    So, I just realized that in a few days I will officially be the parent of a............ (I'm almost afraid to say the word)... teenager. OH GAWD, that was so hard. They say what you did to your parents come back on you 10 times harder. For the most part I believe I was a good kid........ I think. I may need to call my mom again.

    I had my moments just like every other teen. Especially when I discovered boys. (Insert ick face). I was soooooo in love. I thought "Jody" was the one and my mom was just so mean. I understand now what she meant back then, but now I have to teach my kids "what I mean". Lol. Luckily, I have my awesome hubby and we can go through this TOGETHER! TAG TEAM!!!!

    But yes, my son is going to be 13. Am I excited?....... yes and no. Ok, yes because it is interesting to see how I develop and mature over the years as he develops and matures. I was 19 and in the military when I had him, still sort of a baby myself. I have to admit that I may not have made some of the smartest choices in raising him but I did, and do, what I know to do. I was (am, to be honest) super tough on him. I just want him to be a good and disciplined man, but in some of my toughness I notice how I may have broken his confidence a little. :( SO I find myself now having to help rebuild those broken places without completely taking it easy on him because I still want him to know that there are rules and consequences in this world. But I am absolutely interested to see what kind of man he becomes. He is very polite and giving (which I'm trying to teach him to use discernment in that area). But in my opinion he is a good kid and I really am excited to see the man that he becomes.

    Ok, no because he is the oldest of 3 and my youngest son follows him to the "T", but he is totally oblivious to it. So I am afraid to see what little fads or little habits that my son picks up and bring into my house. And plus he is my first born, my first baby. He was my only child for 5 1/2 years. He did my military term with me. He's my big baby.

     But I hear with these teenage years comes attitude and girls. I'm so not ready for that. The attitude will get him into hot water and so can the girls. I'M JUST NOT READY! :(  But I know there is nothing that I can do about it. Soon he'll be graduating, moving out and starting life on his own. All I can do is pray that I am doing the absolute best that I can as a parent to instill Godly principles and wisdom into him. I want him to be a productive and responsible man in this world. I don't want to have a menace to society as a son. I also pray that with all these recent killings going on of young black men, that he not be statistic or a notch in someones racist belt. (SIGH) A mother can only hope and pray. But I know I have to do my job in raising him. He is very respectful and polite and prayerfully this leads him in the direction of good and right. I know once he leaves my house I can only hope that the work that I and my husband have done is good enough. I know that we are all one bad decision away from being poor, broke, homeless or dead. So I pray extra hard over my children and my husband and myself to do and be our absolute best and to maximize our potential for good.

    So yes, I am about to be the lucky parent of my very first teenager. One of three to be exact. At least when my second becomes a teenager, this one will be out of my house.......... or almost out. Lol. I have to admit, I feel that these next few years are going to be....... interesting to say the least. I just pray that God gives my husband and I the wisdom and discernment to do a great job and raise an asset and not a menace to society. Welp, I can't avoid or dodge it, so READY, SET, GO!!! Wish me luck and if you have ANY productive or helpful advice, PLEASE feel free leave it in the comment section. If not, just pray for me. Lol. Thanks in advance.

Unapologetic is me, L.

Dear Younger Me,

    There is just soooooo much that I want to tell you SO LISTEN CLOSELY. Life does not get easier as you get older so stop rushing to be older. Enjoy being a youngster with no responsibilities except for school. And stop playing so much there. You are so smart and school comes so easy to you. Stop taking that for granted. Study hard, plan for college, plan for life. When you get older, education will be everything. Continue to play your sports. Give it your all and be the best that you can be. Your passion is volleyball right? Go to college to be a teacher and become that volleyball coach that you want to be. Wait on the boys. Being in a relationship is not all it looks to be even though it seems like everyone around you is in one. But I guarantee you that you won't find "The One" for a long time after your school years. 

    Also, be nicer to your sisters. Lol. When you get older you're going to want a closer relationship with them, but you may have ruined that by being a butthole to them while you all are younger. They love you, they look up to you. Sure it may seem annoying to you to have them around, but they are not that much younger than you and they are still learning just like you. Love on them and watch how they love on you back. That love that you are missing from your daddy not being there and momma working the way that she do, you might find that they can fill some of that for you. :)  

   I know you respect your momma and you want more of her time and attention, but understand that she is only doing what she knows to do and doing the best at that. You want to hear her say that she loves you, why not be the first to say it to her. You only know bits and pieces of her back ground, but when you find out he totality of her situation, then you'll be more understanding of why she is the way that she is. She loves you and believes that as long as she works 2 and 3 jobs at a time so that you and your sisters never go hungry and have decent clothes on your back, she's doing her absolute best. You'll have kids someday and you'll get it. And do everything with them that you longed for to be done with you.

   You'll get over the pain of what has happened to you against your will. You'll grow stronger in the Lord and begin to understand that people didn't hurt you, the Spirits within them did. Those things happened to you, but don't let them define, shape or mold you nor your worth. Begin now learning how to forgive and let go as hard as it may hurt. This will help you to not be so hard on future people that you cross paths with, but also your husband because you sure do give him the blues sometimes based off your past and the built up unforgiveness in your heart. Lol. 

   Know that everybody that comes into your life, because they are your age, they don't always have your best interest at heart. Don't just open yourself up to everyone, but don't just shut everyone out either. Use your discernment. You know, that little voice in you that tells you if a person or thing is good or bad. Listen to it. It won't steer you wrong and shed the fat. Take more risk. Take full advantage of your youth. Don't be in a rush to grow up. Life is not going anywhere. Live and love like none other. Get involved in your community and don't be so worried about what people may say about you. You'll have that all your life. People will tell lies until the day you die. Learn to brush it off and keep moving forward. Develop a forward moving, goal oriented mentality but let it be age appropriate. Learn to save money and protect your credit. It will be worth more than you understand it to be worth now. You'll need it for more than you know or understand now. 

   Have fun, don't be so serious and guarded all the time. Life is meant to be lived. Your a great person and people will love you. You are beautiful, talented, athletic, smart, polite, creative and a natural organizer. DON'T EVER stop working on improving you. DON'T EVER give up on you. Whenever you get a chance, get comfortable with talking in front of and having conversations with differing people. Expand your horizons and be the best you that you can be. Maximize your potential and again, take risk. Yes you may mess up at times, but learn now how to get back up, dust yourself off and keep it pushing. ENCOURAGE YOURSELF. You can do this. You're built for this. The sky is the limit for you. You can have whatever you want. The world is yours. Take advantage of it, love God, learn to forgive quickly and love and respect yourself better than anyone else can. If you love you, the world won't be as harsh to you as they are trying to be. Walk boldly and with your head held high. No more looking at the pavement, but eyes on the sky. You can, you will, you must. XOXO, your older you.

Unapologetic is me,L. 

What do you believe?

     What do you believe? What do you stand for? They say if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything. So what do you believe? What do you stand for? In times of adversity, what is that thing that keeps you motivated to keep your head up and moving in a forward direction? If you don't know, then it's time to figure it out. And figure it out fast because life will not stop happening to you. 

    Let me take a minute to tell you at least 12 things of what I believe in and what I stand for.  

I believe that:

1. God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit are real and lives/works within me.

2. I am God's workmanship/handiwork/masterpiece, created in Christ Jesus to do good works. (Ephesians 2:10)

3. He will never leave me nor forsake me. (Deuteronomy 31:6)

4. The things that are impossible with people are possible with God. (Luke 18:27)

5. I am blessed because I believe that He will do what He said. (Luke 1:45)

6. If I delight myself in Him that He would give me the desires of my heart. (Proverbs 37:4)

7. If I confess my sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive me and cleanse me from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9)

8. That my God shall supply ALL my needs according to His riches and glory in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:19)

9. That if I lack wisdom, I can ask my God who gives to all generously and without reproach. (James 1:5)

10. My God is faithful, He will not let me be tempted beyond me ability and that in every temptation, God provides me a way of escape. (1 Corinthians 10:13)

11. That if I seek the Lord, He will answer me and deliver me from my fears. (Psalms 34:4)

12. That whatever I ask for in prayer, if I believe that I have received it, then it is mine. (Mark 11:24)

    These are just a few from my long list of the things that I believe and stand for. In times of doubt, chaos, confusion, trouble, whatever, I pull from my list to strengthen and encourage myself. Did it happen overnight? No. But I got tired of, and here is my truth, waiting for people to help me overcome and no one came to my aid. Or when they came, it was conditional. We can not always wait around for someone else to do it for us because that will not always be the case. Sometimes there will be no one else to do this for us. If you fall, you have to be able to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep it pushing. Time nor life stops because we may be going through. So again I ask you, what do you believe? Figure it out.
Unapologetic is me, L.