My Absolute Biggest Fear!

     Growing up we create and dream up all of these plans of how our life is to be when we get older. What will be our career, what college we will attend, what age we are going to marry, how our wedding will look, our spouses occupation, what city/state we will live in, how many kids we will have, how much money we are going to make.... Some of us even dream up what kind of animals we will have and what there names will be. We map out our life to the tiniest detail. Some people, very few I imagine, stick to that plan if they are truly locked in and dedicated to the plan. But for the bulk of us, as we grow older, the twist and turns of life tend to drive us in a different direction. I was one of the people that turned out to be on the redirected plan once life began to truly happen to me.
     One thing that just wasn't in my life plan was children. Children just weren't in the plans for me that I can remember. I was supposed to go to the military, find me a husband that could and loved to cook (because I hate it lol) (only because I'm so impatient), travel the world and retire from the military. Then we would continue to travel until we eye called home to be with the Lord. But at the age of 20 life happened. I had my first son. Then at 26 my daughter, then at 28 my 2nd son. So as you can see, my life switched directions from the way that I had planned it as a young girl. But guess what, my kids are an absolute blessing to me. They are smart, loving and funny as all get out. They keep me smiling and have taught me a great deal about forgiveness and how to love without boundaries. They are little angels in human suits to me. Yes they are.
     So, I know your wondering, where does this biggest fear come in. Well, here it is. My biggest fear is the fear the day that my kids will grow up, won't need me anymore and they will move away to start their own lives apart from me. This actually hurts my heart and cuts me to the core everyone I think about it. So what am idoing about that now? I'm glad you asked. My prayer is that my relationship with my children now will always warrant them wantingþneeding mommy close. Not as a crutch, but as a support. Not the "Mommy I'm in trouble with the law help me out" or "I need a baby sitter to go to the club" type support. But the "I need to cry this out in a safe place where I'm not treated as less than because I'm crying buy now that I've cried and gotten some wisdom I can attack the problem head on" or the "I need some strong solid above on this and I need someone I can depend on because there motives are pure and they only want to see me be a better me".......... You feel me? Good.
     I know growing up is inevitable, but growing apart from me doesn't have to be. Everyday that I look at them I see more and more signs of them growing up and being more independent. They don't need me like they did when they were babies in my arms. My oldest is now 13. I'm trying to teach him the things that he will need to know to do in order to run his own house, but everything in me just wants to baby him for the rest of his life. But I know that this is not healthy. I dare not for him to be a liability as an adult, but he's still my baby. All three of them are. The day they move out of my house will probably be the hardest thing in life for me. Harder then recovery from every surgery that I've had. Harder then pushing them all out naturally during their births. I know one day I'm going to have to let go (my fear, uggggghhhhhh). But for now I'll just continue to be there mommy and hold on for as long as I can. So that when the day come (that they say mommy you can let go now) I can say that they are ready and they know mommy is here and always was here for them. It's going to hurt I know, but it has to be done. :( I promise I won't be a smother mother to my adult children. Lol. But I'll always have their back........... unless they break the law. Then they're on their own. Lol but I'm serious.
Unapologetic is me, L.

A Prayer To Walk In Love

   Dear Heavenly and gracious Father,
because You loved me first and I have discovers this love for myself, I am ready and able to love the people that you have placed around me. I pray that my love would increase more and more in knowledge, discernment and understanding. Help me to walk out Ephesians 5:2 in my daily life. To "Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God." Help me to seek You steadily so I am never out of love to give, but constantly filled with an overflow that spills out onto others. Teach me about the beauty of Your sacrifice so I can be encouraged to give of myself and help me to take an interest in others so I can be a more effective servant to You. I pray that I would always remember the Source of my love and give You all the glory. Thank you Lord for loving me the way that you do. Even when I feel that I don't deserve it. I am happy to love others because of Your undieing and never changing Agape love and compassion for me. You deserve my praise and my worship. In Jesus' name, Amen.
Unapologetic is me, L.

I can't?!?! YES YOU CAN!!!

      "I can't" is a tiny phrase that packs more weight in it than five elephants trying to fit on a tiny bathroom scale. It's amazing how so many people use this phrase to describe their abilities and possibilities. Philippians 4:13 reminds us that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". So when people say I can't it leads me to believe that in that area of their life, that they don't believe or have faith that Christ can or will work through them. While I was praying about this, the Holy Spirit told me that:
"I can't is a limitation set by the enemy to stop you from:
1. Achieving your best you
2. Going to the next level and
3. Walking in abundance and overflow."
      GOD never said any where in His Word that He has limited us and there were only certain things that we could do. He never said that there was a ceiling or a cap on us. So in the instances when an I can't tries to creep on in, we have to truly stand on "greater is He that is in me then he that is in this world" (1 John 4:4). I can't is a spirit that the enemy has conjured in an attempt to hinder us. The enemy's plan is to make this I can't spirit so strong that none of GOD'S children reach the max potential and greatness that He has placed within each and every one of us. His agenda is to continue to fill the graveyards with treasures.
      Only we can change that. How do we do it? By changing the way we think, speak and act. When an I can't thought comes into our mind, we must "take every thought into captivity" (2 Corinthians 10:5). If an I can't so happens to come out of our mouth, we must remember that "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit" (Proverbs 18:21). And also that "whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in Heaven and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in Heaven" (Matthew 18:18, 16:19). So remember that you get the fruit of what you speak but you have the power to cast it down and bind it up if you choose. Key phrase "if you choose".........
      The Holy Spirit also showed me this. That I can't usually come from us comparing ourselves to somebody else or just plain laziness.......... Oh, did I strike a nerve? Well good. Stop comparing yourself to other people. We were not created to be or do just like someone else. GOD created each and every one of us different to accommodate all the differing personalities in this world. So the way that you do it is just fine for the people you are supposed to reach. Do it your way and your way alone. Oh and the laziness...... Yeah. Laziness won't get you anywhere anytime soon. And if you don't come out of it, I can't is just for you. Better yet, the enemy doesn't have to even try with a lazy person. You do the work for him. That's just all I can say about that.
     We have to get out of this I can't mindset. We must not allow this foul and demonic to consume us. We must reduce the punch that it packs by slowly but surely removing it from our vocabulary. From this day forward, constantly say in your Spirit, yes I can. Replace can't with can in your heart, in your mind and in your vocabulary and watch how your life, your confidence, your favor, your influence, watch how it all turns around, God is not the author of confusion and He's definitely not the author of I can't. Yes you can, yes you will and today should be the day that you must.
Unapologetic is me, L.

A Prayer for Joy & Strength

    Father GOD, I lift mine eyes and heart to thee. Help me to live in Your joy and in Your peace. Give me the strength and understanding to resist anxiety, anger, envy, depression, bitterness, hopelessness, loneliness, fear and guilt. Rescue me when “my spirit is overwhelmed within me; my heart within me is distressed” (Psalm 143:4). I refuse to let my life be brought down by evil and negative emotions such as these.

    When I am tempted to give in to them, show me Your Truth. You have said in Your Word that "by our patience we can possess our souls" (Luke 21:19). Give me patience so I can do just that. Help me to keep my ‘heart with all diligence,” for I know that “out of it spring the issues of life" (Proverbs 4:23).

    Help me to share this joy of knowing intimately who Jesus is with all those who You place in my path. I pray that Your love would fill my heart, that Your peace would flood my inner being and that I may overflow with Your joy and hope in believing. Increase my love for others and for You. Instil in my heart the hope of my salvation, and surround me with Your love and joy. Please use me as a channel to minister to others in need.

    Thank You that "the joy of the Lord is our strength and shield" (Nehemiah 8:10) and that You have promised that Your "grace is sufficient" (2 Corinthians 9:12) for all eventualities. Keep my heart fixed on You and instil in my heart joyful disposition so that I may bring comfort and cheer to those around me and be salt and light to those that are facing troubles or difficulties.

    I thank You that I am Your child and You are my Father and sovereign Lord. May my heart rejoice in good times and in bad and may Your abiding  joy and perfect peace find residence in my heart - as I rest in Your love and trust in Your unfailing goodness.

     It is in Jesus name I pray, Amen and Amen.

Unapologetic is me, L.