As long as we live there will always be people in this world who can not, and often times refuse to see past themselves. People who can't see past their wants and stubbornness to lend a helping hand, kind word or even a smile to brighten someone else's day. People who, no matter what is going on in your life, they find any and every reason to turn situations around in their favor and somehow always become a victim. But they will swear up and down that they are not a "victim" and they don't act that way. What do we do with these people? Our flesh would want to turn our backs on them, let them suffer, wallow and fend for themselves. But for some odd reason our hearts just won't let us do such a thing. So what do we do? We can pray which is the normal "Christian" answer. But sometimes prayer isn't enough. Now don't misinterpret me, prayer is always a good thing, absolutely awesome. In prayer is where we can find peace and seek wisdom and understanding. But sometimes we need a little bit more than just prayer because when you come up, that person/people is still there.
That's where my term "Stand in Love" comes in to play. In my research, I learned that the greek word for my term is the word "pragma". Pragma is all about patience and compromise and is the most mature type of love. It is easy to love someone when things are going great, but "pragma" love is the ability to love when things are not so great. We have to have the willpower to Stand in Love, no matter what is going on. Standing up for yourself as a Christian does not mean being nasty, mean, rude nor hateful towards others. That's actually the opposite of what I am talking about. But being a Christian is never a thumbs up to allow other people to run over you and treat you less than. Standing in Love, to me, is putting your foot down firmly but in a way that has the other person to know that you still love them, will be patient with them, are willing to compromise and are there for them. But that you're absolutely not there to be ran over, misused or abused.
When I encounter people who try to abuse the goodness of my heart, I have to remind myself to pragma: Stand in Love. And then I usually say that they don't know any better. Lol. I used to be one of those people who just accepted anything that others decided to give me because I didn't want trouble. But I learned along this journey called life that people will only treat you the way that you allow them to treat you. Just allowing people to treat you any ole way and accepting it will do more harm to you than it will to them. I learned this through my life experiences. We have to be careful to not become inwardly bitter and resentful towards people all in the name of just taking it and not wanting trouble. We need people in this life and just taking it will have us building up walls and forcing GOD's children to climb, leap over or dig under them to get to us. This can not be and is not how GOD desires us to be with one another. Besides, it is through people that GOD works some of His greatest miracles. So we have to train ourselves to pragma: Stand in Love. This can be a very trying thing for some people, but like anything else in life wealth, a good body, a good marriage, good grades, you have to work for it. And we usually work for those things that we want no matter what we have to go through to get it, so why not this? So Pragma: Stand in Love.
Unapologetic is me, L.
I was just listening to some snippets of Tina Campbell's new songs
that she has written for her solo project that was posted on fb. (S.N.: That song "Only Jesus Did It" gave me life. YES MRS. CAMPBELL!) I must say that I commend and applaud her for going through all that she has with her husband and still have the energy and power to stand, to smile and to even still be married to him all while going through it in the public eye. Shoot, Shakresha (Kre Kre for short) would have stabbed him in his heart just because her nosey homegirl found out about it and she didn't want to look like no punk to the hood who could care less because they was helping him to cheat.................. Too much? My bad. But anyway's. I truly applaud her. It takes a strong person to walk in those shoes and BABY she did that.
Truth be told, we can all be a Tina Campbell. But a great deal of us chose not to, then call the next sister crazy for getting through it. Tina found healing through writing and music. The Word tells us that through every temptation our God provides a way of escape so that we may endure it (1 Corinthians 10:13 paraphrase). A lot of us refuse to use the way of escape and allow our flesh to reign. Then we get ourselves in deeper troubles than we ought to and blame the person and GOD instead of ourselves then claim that s/he made me do it.
Hear me when I say this, NOBODY CAN MAKE YOU DO ANYTHING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO DO!!! None of us are walking around with bits in our mouths being navigated in directions by someone else holding the two attached reins. The things we do out of haste, malice and anger or our own doing. We control ourselves. And if you claim that you don't, my question to you is this: When did you take your hand off of the thermostat of your life? Yuiou should never let someone else's hand replace yours on the thermostat of your life. In my opinion, that's a form of slavery. You being dictated to on how to feel and when to feel it. How to react and when to react according to the way they feel and what they are trying to do..........
We have to get to a place where we are in complete control of ourselves and no one else. I want to get to a place where if someone spits in my face I can walk away with a smile on my face and skip in my step and go get some ice cream. (I know THAT extreme is along shot, but a girl can dream right? Lol) My 3 children are watching Mommy. I'm not saying that I want them to allow people to do anything and everything to them and they just take it. But I want them to be first thinkers over being first reactors. The thinkers have always prospered in this world. Reactors normally end up in jail and I refuse to go see anybody in jail over something that you simply lost control of.
Last thing I want to say is this, you can't know how strong you are or how far you've come if conflict didn't happen. Mrs. Campbell, I'm sure, is probably surprised of herself being able to handle all of that not "kill some body"(as she stated). But daily we should be growing as a person. Trials and tribulations are apart of this life we live in today and we're going to have them until the day we lay 6 ft under. If you don't evolve or grow at any point, what's the point of being here? GOD created us grow, to move forward, to evolve. I definitely don't want to be the same L I was last year or 5 years ago. I've gotten a year older in age but not in my thinking or maturity? That's for the birds. Give me growth any day. But my hand is on my thermostat and I'm going to take a page from Mrs. Campbell's book and keep it there.
Unapologetic is me, L.
It is so mind blowing to me how people can be so wreckless with their words and expect there to be no consequences. People take on this "This is who I am" stance and just expect for others to accept them being nasty and disrespectful and then want others to respect them. No, that's not how it works and not how I was taught, and a good majority of you reading this now, as a little bambino growing up. If you want respect, you have to give respect is what I was told. But in this decade that we live in now, people think it's okay to be disrespectful and rude and not have it reciprocated because "This is who I am". The whole "do as I say and not as I do" aspect is alive, walking, talking and breathing. And very sickening might I add while needing to be put to rest.
What ever happened to "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all"? Where did that go? Did it get buried with the Sweet Mama's and Big Daddy's from back in the day? I do think so. People have taken this whole "Keep it real" concept to another level and it's gotten ugly and very distasteful. We should teach our kids to speak their mind and take a stance for what they believe, but not to the point where they are being irrational, rude and dysfunctional like. I never want my kids to walk away from a situation where they leave a bad taste in people's mouths and nobody wants to deal with them. You need people to be prosperous and successful in this world. We have to learn to get our point across in way where others don't feel belittled or disregarded. Where we are standing up for ourselves but still empowering others to do and be better. The tongue is a powerful tool and it can either make or break a person. And I don't know about you, but I don't want to be responsible for breaking anybody. GOD would definitely not be pleased with that AT ALL.
There is an old proverb that states that a word spoken in haste can not be taken back. We have to learn to think before we speak because once spoken, it's spoken. Words have the power to make people feel differing types of ways. And most of the time people will not forget how you made them feel. We need to spend more time building one another up as opposed to tearing one another down. But how can we build another up, when we are not properly built up ourselves? Some of us need to take a step back and realize this small but HUGE fact. That we are only projecting on others what is on the inside of us. Raggediness, filth and piss poor conditions that we try to cover up with makeup, full length weaves, stilettos and words filled with venom while trying to call it "Truth" and "Realness" when the true realness is that we are hurt, broken and in desperate need of repair and a serious self esteem boast.
You see we have it truly twisted. You can't find true happiness in projecting your tongue venom on others. Making others to feel small so that you can feel tall and dressing it up, again, as "Truth". That's not how it works. If we took more time to work on bettering ourselves and allowing the Lord to heal our hurt, then we could find better use of our words and real joy in this world steered by satan to inflict pain, suffering and worthlessness at every turn. No longer can we feed into his plan to divide and conquer. But we must rise above and love without limits and beyond our boundaries. Not just others but ourselves as well and first and foremost. If you can't love yourself, you definitely can't love anyone else which is one of GOD's greatest commandments. To "love your neighbor as yourselves"..... remember. When you know better, you do better and that's the pool that I chose to swim in. 365, 24/7. :-)
Unapologetic is me, L.
One of my favorite scriptures is "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart" (Psalms 37:4). Many people ask me how I am able to do all the things that I do, go through what I go through and still remain sane. I tell them, standing on this scripture is how.
Let's see, I'm a child of GOD first and foremost, a wife, a mother of 3, I Pastor a church alongside my husband, a college grad desiring to finish my Master's degree in Addictions Counseling, half owner and operator of an Events Planning business, a wedding coordinator, a decorator, a dance teacher, a counselor, a writer, the admin and bookkeeper for my church and so much more. On top of that I was diagnosed with Chron's disease which has warranted so many hospital stays and two surgeries to have part of my bowls and intestines removed. I suffer on a daily but I still manage to keep a smile on my face and continue to do everything that I need to do. I can't afford to stop and this passage of scripture, along with others, keep me motivated to keep going.
I was not raised in church, so being a Pastor is not what I thought I would be doing as an adult. But the Faith that I gained before being diagnosed formally and going through everything that I have gone through in the past couple of years have made me able to keep on pushing. The average person couldn't handle my load and it's only by God's grace that I have. I found this scripture while on one of many hospital stays in Japan when doctors had given up on me. It spoke to me then and is still speaking to me today. I was only a mother of 1 at the time, but had I given up then when they gave up on me, my last two children would not be here today.
When I think of that it makes me sad but it also motivates me. You see, we don't have to just take what man tells us as the route for our lives. I could have easily gave up, but I chose to stand. My desire was to live. But as the scripture stated, I first had to delight in Him. Every since I have figured out this formula, I have been unstoppable. They say if you don't stand for something you'll fall for anything. Well I stand on this Word. As I continue to delight in Him, God will continue to give me the desires of my heart. You see, His Word cannot return to Him void and it must do that which He sent it to do (Isaiah 55:11). I trust God because He's been there for me in the past. I had to try Him and He came through. So now I am much more than a believer in Him. Many times doctors have been proven wrong when it came to me. I've been told that I would lose my foot, my husband has been told that there was nothing else that they could do for me and other things. But I continue to delight and for the rest of my days I'll still do the same. They say if it's not broke, don't fix it. Well this is still working just fine for me. So I think I'll stay put for a little while longer. :)
Unapologetic is me, L.
Have you ever went to a fast food restaurant and the server treated you like you filled out their job application and are forcing them to work at that place against their free will? Isn't this the most depressing and upsetting thing ever? Doesn't this make you want to forget that you are a Christian and go smooth off? I know it makes me feel this way. I so dislike when people dislike what they do, then make others suffer for their descisions. We often find these attitudes in low income job markets. But this is a trend that needs to be changed and a gentleman that my husband and I encountered on getaway made me realize something that peeked my interest in this area and sparked this blog posting.
On yesterday my husband and I visited a fast food restaurant where the servers actually have to come outside in the seasonal elements to bring people their food. It was rather hot out but our server, an older looking gentleman, delivered our food to us with a smile on his face and a great attitude that caught my attention. As he walked away I turned my husband attention to his attitude. My husband didn't recognize it at first, but upon realizing it he stated that "Some people got to work and some people get to go to work". Where he could have been rude, ugly, nasty and sarcastic due to being out in the elements and working for what I'm assuming is minimum wage, he was none the sort and I believe that may be because of the way that he views his situation.
Let me state that quote again from my husband...."Some people got to work and some people get to go to work". Your life is shaped by your attitude. All of us have some unfavorable situations that we go through to others. But whose standard and rules are we living by? We allow the world to label us as successful or unsuccessful by the jobs we have, the cars we drive, the houses we live in, the labels we wear, etc. Etc. But there are people who have all this stuff, and the means to get more of it, and are still unhappy. These things don't determine success nor happiness. What determines success and happiness to me is defined by me and yours is defined by you. Why? Because we all were given a different set of cards to play this card game of life by.
Well what are you talking about, you ask. In this world we tend to put people into boxes and jobs are a big box variable. If a person works at McDonald's and are in their 30's, they are put in a box separate from a person in their 30's who is a doctor or a lawyer and they are unusually titled unsuccessful or a failure. But what makes them a failure if they are happy doing what they do? They enjoy getting up and going to their place of employment. Hey at least they have one right? Due to circumstances in their past, they weren't afforded the opportunity to go to college. They may have had to take up the slack and care for younger siblings due to a negligent or deceased parent. But their job at McDonald's is helping to put their siblings through college and get the degree that they never got...... So they can smile and be polite and courteous taking orders at that check out counter because they "get to do" what they are doing and not just "got to do" it. Often times we are so quick to judge before we know the whole story. But if we knew the whole story, we would understand the glory that they feel taking orders of people who look down on them for doing what they are doing.
Your attitude and how you feel about you and what you're able to do should shape how successful or unsuccessful you are not other people's idea of it. In this world we have to be confident in who we are no matter what we do. There are people who wish they could get up and go to work, but they are bound to a bed having people wait on them hand and foot due to disabilities or tragedies that occurred in their past. We have to think positive and look at the brighter side of why we do what we do. There are people on this world that wish they could do what you do. I read the story about the parking lot attendant guy who works for $12 an hour but is worth $500,000...... that's half a million dollars! AND, on top of that, he's dyslexic. There are doctors, pro athlete's, actresses and actors that are broke as a joke constantly trying to hold up a facade living up to the world's standards. The job that you have shouldn't make or break you. We shouldn't let them define us or deem us as successful or unsuccessful. So tomorrow when you wake up, don't say "Man, I got to go to work". No, change that stinking thinking and say "Man, I get to go to work" and then make the best decisions for the income that you bring in. Work the income level that you have, don't let that income level work you.
Success and happiness is defined by you and you alone. If you flip burgers, be a happy burger flipper. If you are a security guard, be a polite and courteous security guard. You and your job is just as important as the police officer, lawyer or doctor. Don't let small minded people deter you from believing that your job is important because it is.
Unapologetic is me, L.
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)